SLUGLINE: Michael Jordan plays the Stringer Bell role in uniting the NBA Owners against the NBPA.
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM, EXECUTIVE INN -- NIGHT
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM, EXECUTIVE INN -- NIGHT
Sterile overhead lighting. Beige-ish walls. Carpet no one
could ever care about treking dirt in on. As nondescript as
a conference room can get.
On most days, you'd see a PowerPoint presenation if you
walked in. On some weekend nights, a small wedding
reception.
Tonight? It's MICHAEL JORDAN at the podium, infront of the
30 NBA TEAM OWNERS and the NBA Comissioner, DAVID STERN.
Jordan (40s) would be a bit of an oddity at the table and is
even moreso of one taking charge of the ongoings- he didn't
make his money as the rest of the owners did but wants,
above all else, to be part of that world. To rise above his
playing days. To be accepted as a peer by those who used to
cut his checks.
MICHAEL JORDAN
Uhh, call to order an' shit. The chair
recognize the esteemed Dan Gilbert.
Gilbert- late 40s/early 50s, a lover scorned, from the mold
of the protagonist of that Carrie Underwood song about
Gilbert- late 40s/early 50s, a lover scorned, from the mold
of the protagonist of that Carrie Underwood song about
not acting in a reasonable fashion when cheated, owner of a
terrible Cleveland franchise which was subservient to a
prima donna for seven long years.
DAN GILBERT
Alright look. We done talk this
shit to death, alright? When we
go'n' vote?
DAVID STERN
Gilbert do have a point.
Stern- late 60s/early 70s, uses a contentious and lying
manner with the players as a backbone of a life spent
defending rich people's wallets,
has neither the time nor the inclination to explain himself
to a man -- a reporter, a TV show host, Dwyane Wade -- who
he feels gets his stories or pay from the league he oversees
and then questions his own way of finding ten different ways to
say 'fuck off' to anyone making an inquiry into his immoral
actions,
would rather you just say thank you, and go on your way,
otherwise, he suggests you become a job creator and buy a
team,
either way, he doesn't give a damn about the fans.
MICHAEL JORDAN
A'ight then. All those in favor of
goin' together so we can get them
the next ten years to cover for the
red in the books ya'll in Indiana
and Sacramento show, 'stead of us
system 'mongst ourselves, raise up.
The owners, almost one by one, all raise their hands up.
Stern looks at Jordan and nods apporvingly at the monster
behind the podium he helped create.
MICHAEL JORDAN
A'ight then. Look like we goin'
make more money. Together.
DAVID STERN
Gotta say I'm proud of ya'll for
putting aside petty grievances
and... puttin' this thing
together. For a cold ass crew of
Republicans ya'll carried it like
gangsters and shit.
Small chuckles and head nods around the room.
MICHAEL JORDAN
Ya'll remember man, talk this shit
on the pavement. Best way to get
more buyin' this here fantasy tale
we spinnin' is to tell people 'bout
the benefits as we see 'em without
mentionin' how we be parlayin' and
scheming our ballas. No beefin',
no drama, just business. Yo Herb,
footing with them Knicks? Ain't no
need to go spinnin' stories. We
gotchyo' back, man. Anybody got
problems with anybody else here,
you bring it to the group, we ain't
got to take it to the 'porters and
sources. Alright. Let's do it.
Jordan steps back from the podium as the rest of the owners
smile back and forth at each other, patting themselves on
the back for such a move of unwarranted aggression.
Jordan approaches his team's General Manager, RICH CHO,
seated against the wall, writing on a legal pad.
MICHAEL JORDAN
Yo.
Cho looks up. Jordan takes a look at the pad-
MICHAEL JORDAN
Motherfucker what is that?
RICH CHO
Them rules say we gotta have
minutes for a meetin', right?
These the minutes.
MICHAEL JORDAN
Nigga is you takin' notes on a
criminal fucking conspiracy?
Jordan rips the legal pad away from Cho-
MICHAEL JORDAN
Fuck is you thinkin', man?
Jordan crumples the paper up, still shaking his head in
disgust. Behind him, Robert Sarver approaches.
Sarver- 50s, owner of the Suns (a franchise that had to sell
valuable draft picks and trade players for essentially
nothing during the rise of their popularity and success
because of a total void of any respectable revenue sharing
between teams), a to-that-point-of-the-timeline hardliner
about not agreeing to any new CBA proposal that didn't
ensure a proper distribution of the league's revenue.
ROBERT SARVER
'sup, Air?
Jordan looks at him and loudly breathes out his nose.
ROBERT SARVER
A crim'nal fuckin'
conspiracy? You don't think-
MICHAEL JORDAN
What?
ROBERT SARVER
Ain't that a bit too...
exagerratin' and pont'f'cating?
MICHAEL JORDAN
You ignorant? We already makin'
money, and now we're hard pushing
for a deal that takes 3.4 billion
dollars from them over ten years?
We robbin' them bitches blind!
ROBERT SARVER
Oh the most of most definitelies.
Feels like hot pajamas out the dryer,
stickin' it to the players 'posed to
continuin' negotiatin' 'tween
us Republicans over proper stash
house sharing. But yo, my point of
beef was wit' you callin' us
criminals-
MICHAEL JORDAN
Motherfucker we stealin'! Stealers
be criminals!
ROBERT SARVER
Ain't no metal on our wrists!
MICHAEL JORDAN
Motherf- Donald Sterling here is a
fuckin' criminal. Had to pay five
million in fees to attorneys
workin' a case 'cusing him of
pushin' Blacks and Latinos out of
his buildin's. Called Danny
Manning a 'poor Black kid'. Was
sued by the motherfucking feds for
using racial discrimination when
filling his apartment buildings.
Not letting non-Koreans in
Koreatown. Keepin' Blacks outta
Beverly Hills Said Hispanics
'smoke, drink and just hang around
the building' and that 'Black
tenants smell and attract vermin'.
He also be a regular Hermain Cain
around the women.
DONALD STERLING
Don't forget: I also heckled my own
players from my courtside seats.
Sterling- 70s, owner of the Clippers, wears a tuxedo, top hat
and monocle, is an enormous piece of shit.
MICHAEL JORDAN
Motherfucker don't be reproachin'
and shit for that, you exercise
that first amendment bitch.
DONALD STERLING
I also refused to pay for my head
coach's prostate cancer surgery
because the necessary procedure was
out of network.
MICHAEL JORDAN
This what I'm talking about.
Donald here? Motherfucker is a
criminal. We all willingly in with
him. Standin' by him. That alone
makes this a criminal fucking
conspiracy, saying nothin' of the
grift we gettin' on. But if you
wish to keep arguin', talk to my
man Slim Charles here.
SLIM CHARLES approaches from the side. Slim- 40s, former
enforcer for the New York Knicks, current assistant coach of
Jordan's team, 6'9", 245 lbs, tempermental.
ROBERT SARVER
Nah, we good. We good.
MICHAEL JORDAN
A'ight then. Let's go bet on golf.
Damn, I love "The Wire" parallels! Stringer Jordan is perfection
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